1. |
Tickle Fight
01:05
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Don't give in to the pressure.
Just push on through the night.
They gather from all across the globe,
for the tickle fight!
One by one you must face them.
As they step into the ring,
and of course my victory's certain
cause tickling is my thing.
There can only be one number 1,
despite what people think.
Of course that's gunna be me,
cause tickling is my kink.
At the 25th Annual Tickle Fight,
the drama has just begun
and since tickling is my kink,
even if I lose I've won.
Tickle.
Fight.
Me.
Tonight.
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2. |
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Well when it's valentines day.
Don't get chocolate or roses.
Best to check your lover,
best to use your noses.
Listen up people. Listen to me.
Last Valentines my lover gave me VD.
We'll it scratches and it itches and it hurts when I pee.
No Valentines for me, I got a case of VD.
Here's something daddy told me,
as a boy in his home.
Said "If it smells like cologne, you best leave it alone"
Her meat trap had the crabs.
Her ham wallet had the clap,
and my piece now has herpes and their ain't no cure for that.
We'll it scratches and it itches and it hurts when I pee.
No Valentines for me, I got a case of VD.
Well it happened to me,
as soon as I caught a whiff.
I knew I'd get VD for my valentine's gift.
So listen to me, no valentines VD.
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3. |
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It's April 15th, I just did my taxes on time.
Hey Mr. Tax Man, you wanna see my W9
I deduct what I can, and pay what I should.
Sure I hate the man, but paying my taxes feels good.
Hey Mr. Tax Man, hey Mr. Tax Man
Do you got a refund for me?
I know that daddy government knows best.
That's why I always trust the IRS
I dot the i's, cross the t's and
just sit back, relaxin, paying my taxes.
(pay my taxes)
Well big daddy goverment,
he rules from above.
Write off business expenses,
don't write off free love.
Hey Mr. Tax Man, hey Mr. Tax Man
Do you got a refund for me?
Hey Mr. Tax Man, hey Mr. Tax Man
Do you got a refund for me?
Hey Mr. Tax Man, hey Mr. Tax Man
Do you got a refund for me?
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4. |
Larmes Vegetaliennes
01:36
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Of course I don't eat no meat,
I don't eat no cheese.
People in France think there's
something wrong with me.
They giggle and they laugh.
They say that I've a fool.
No meat upon my plate,
but my number two is smooth.
It's not bad as it seems.
You eat legumes, that's the french word for beans.
Use jackfruit for meat, tofu for cheese.
Veganism is my whole personality.
I don't do no cookouts,
I go to whole foods.
Yes that means that I'm better than you.
No roast beef. No bacon bits.
I have very low iron but very smooth shits.
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5. |
Hair Down There
01:46
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I mean just look at me,
I think I'm hitting puberty.
Not sure, growing hair where
there was not hair before.
It made my balls drop.
I wish that it would stop, I'm not complaining but
my hormone's raging.
There are some changes happening to me.
I think I'm hitting puberty.
It felt like just a week ago,
I thought that girls were gross.
Then I got testosterone, now
I want to take off there clothes,
and wanna be alone,
in the basement of their parent's house.
Fumbling, my hands are sweaty and I'm taking off their blouse.
I get these weird nocturnal emissions so late at night.
Anytime someone disagrees with me I wanna start a fight.
There are some changes happening to me.
I think I'm hitting puberty.
My voice is changing, and now I'm getting acne.
Not just on my face. See?
I'm also getting backne.
This puberty is really coming to fast,
I really hate my dad and now I think I can kick his ass.
I'm getting boner's in school, it ain't no use
and new flash, hashtag, I just got a pube.
There are some changes happening to me.
I think I'm hitting puberty.
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6. |
Don't Tell Mom
02:24
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Well mom and dad are gone
I think they went to a restaurant.
She left me 15 dollars, and she put me in charge
We ordered up a pizza pie
And later to my surprise my brother
Looked me in the eye
He said let’s have a nerf war,
And we’ll drink Pepsi cola
Using twizlers for straws
We’ll buy a new controller
With out mother’s credit card
For our old ass PS2
I heard on pay-per-view
There’s girls gone wild.
Don’t tell mom
Don’t tell mom
That I know where she keeps the keys
To the liquor cabinet
Don’t tell mom
Don’t tell mom
It’s Friday night her beautiful
Baby boys’ getting lit
Holy shit
Dad didn’t lock the gun safe
Next thing I know I see my bro
He’s on the trampoline
He’s got a fifth of Hennessy
Shouting hey brother look at me
And now he’s on his iPhone
Even though my mother said no screens
No he’s cyber bullying on the internet a girl
With disabilities
Now he’s on the deep web
Told him stop it ain’t no use
Now he’s threatening North Korea
Said he’s got a tactical nuke
Now I pissed cause he’s on Craigslist
Money laundering with NFTs
I told him it’s a Ponzi scheme
And he just stood and laughed at me and said
Don’t tell mom
Don’t tell mom
Her son’s an alt right domestic terrorist
Don’t tell mom
Don’t tell mom
I was in charge, look at the job I did.
The worst part is, they didn't leave enough money for wings.
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7. |
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About two weeks ago,
you know my wife she left me.
Open my cabinet 'cept my shelves were empty.
I need groceries.
So that I can eat.
Luckily a Trader Joe's
just moved down the street.
We got a Whole Foods too,
and I just can't pick.
Then I remember Jeff Bezos
can suck my dick.
These corporate overlords, you know they just not stopping.
Get my re-usable bag and I get to shopping.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
This Two-Buck-Chuck's got me twisted like a gray haired lady.
The frozen food's delicious, and healthy.
That's Crazy
No grocery bags here.
Some would say that stinks.
I got my own canvas tote, what the fuck you think?
The produce is fresh,
the people are smiling.
This lines too long,
I'll be here for a while and
this Speculous Cookie Butter makes me think,
I got a new spice; Everything-But-The-Bullshit.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Aww, Fuck. Pour me some Two-Buck-Chuck.
Aww, Fuck. Pour me some Two-Buck-Chuck.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
Trader Joe's in the GOAT of groceries.
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8. |
Edges First
01:08
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Dump all the pieces out.
Put it together and then,
we're not just making JigSaw puzzles.
We're also making friends.
Edges out, that's what we're all about
at the competitive jigsaw League.
The people nice as can be, hey heres a piece of a tree.
We got everything you need.
Well nobody loses, but nobody wins.
You put the pieces together then the friendship begins.
We're just 40 year old men, in the professional jigsaw league.
Hey! Here's a piece of sky. I need a piece of tree.
This is not a front for illegal gambling.
If you don't complete the puzzle,
Billy's gunna break your knees,
at the professional jigsaw league.
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9. |
Scurvy Squirrels
02:04
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I've got a big back yard, vast, beautiful and wide.
The squirrels are all around, but the birdies seem to hide.
I see the feeder's empty. Some would say that is that.
I wanna feed the birdies, not those fuzzy rats.
The birds they sing so sweetly,
fly up in the air,
and squirrel's are fuzzy cunts
man, the two just don't compare.
I wanna feed the one,
but the other it can starve.
I got no birds but fat ass squirrels a sitting in my yard.
I got squirrels in my bird feeder.
I try to stop them but I tell you what.
These squirrles in my bird feeder
and sly little sneaky furry cunts.
Well the mocking birds are gone,
but the squirrels are on a roll.
I've tried the pepper tricks,
and I've tried to grease the pole.
I've hung the feeder higher,
and I got different seed,
but nothing can protect you from those fuckers greed.
I got squirrels in my bird feeder.
I try to stop them but I tell you what.
These squirrles in my bird feeder
and sly little sneaky furry cunts.
Well the battle still remains,
against these fuzzy sluts.
They should take their own advice,
and go and suck my nuts.
Afterwards they go an bury them
and I will tell you why.
So later they can eat them,
they get fat and die.
I got squirrels in my bird feeder.
we know squirrels are only fuzzy cunts.
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10. |
Trail To Basmati
01:26
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I'm a hungry, hungry man,
without a lot of cash.
When I need a meal you know,
that rice is where it's at.
Italian, Korean, Asian and Chinese.
Fluffy and delicious, rice it always pleases.
I need a rice cooker.
The rice I cook is boring and dry.
I need a rice cooker.
So it can taste like take-out everytime.
Don't look into my cabinet if you want variety.
Yes I use chopsticks. I still get every piece.
The rice I cook is boring, it's something to forget.
Only time it does the job is when my Iphone's wet.
I need a rice cooker.
The rice I cook is boring and dry.
I need a rice cooker.
So it can taste like take-out
Taste like take-out
Taste like take-out every-time.
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11. |
Vendaje Del Destino
01:35
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When the sun is hot
and you wanna cool your feet.
There's public pool
you can swim to try and beat the heat.
Breaststroke and Butterfly, Doggy Paddle and Free.
Then I saw a used bandaid was stuck to me.
The thermometer in my town
just grows higher and higher.
Of course there's used bandaids in this public pool.
This town's one big dumpster fire.
There's a homeless man swimming.
Crackheads everywhere that you see.
So of course a used bandaid is stuck to me.
I started splishing and splash to
get away from that medical waste.
In my struggle, that bandaid floated and
stuck to my face.
I hope they had no diseases. No HIV, No STDS
I pray to Jesus get this bandaid from me.
Now there's a used bandaid stuck on my face.
There's a used bandaid stuck on my face.
There's a used bandaid stuck on my face.
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12. |
Darn Socks
02:10
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Have to wear socks upon my feet.
Help my shoes fit right, keep me comfy.
Keeps me dry and warm right on my toes.
I look down my socks had a hole.
Sock holes.
My big toe's sticking out.
Sock holes.
It makes me wanna shout.
Sock holes.
I don't know what I'll do.
Sock holes.
The jizz is shoots right through.
I was happily strolling through town.
Next thing you know my toe feels the ground.
I get real upset I just can't handle.
From now on I'll stick to sandles.
Sock holes.
Whether it's black or white.
Sock holes.
My toes stick out at night.
Sock holes.
Cold toe's are whats in store.
Sock holes.
My Mom will buy me more.
Guess it serves me right.
That's what I get for walking outside.
Sock holes.
My little piggies nude and bare.
Sock holes.
That's my shoesies underwear.
Sock holes.
Now I bare underneath.
Sock holes.
Now strangers can see my feet.
I got holes in my socks.
Sock holes.
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13. |
Pastoral Mackerel
01:22
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When granny's eating sushi
you best believe she's got
the tennis ball footed walker
leaning up against the sushi bar.
She got a plan,
to put that chopstick in her hand.
Arthritis but the rice is so nice
when she has sushi sashimi or maki roll.
Out of control Granny.
You know here you're the boss.
That wasabi and soy sauce drips
down your wrinkled chin onto
your gingham blue skirt and your life alert.
"I've fallen and I can't get up"
Grandma and Grandpa eatin maki roll.
Grandma and Grandpa eatin maki roll.
Well her social security check couldn't cover
the cost of all the sushi she ate.
Those expensive little fishes.
Now the owner's got her washing dishes,
washing dishes, washing dishes for the fish she ate.
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14. |
Toner Low
01:47
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Will Boyajian New York, New York
I record/improvise all these songs live on Twitch in an hour or less.
You choose the
genre.
You choose the subject.
You choose the song and album title.
It's fun.
... more
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