1. |
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I work with roofs
I’m a thatcher man.
The sun on my head,
I got straw in my hands
Toil each day
Each day of my life,
I swear by the sun,
I’ll make the Count’s woman My wife.
She’ll be with me instead;
A happy wife, with a roof over her head, that I made.
With my own two hands. She’ll be my woman.
And Me her Thatcher man.
Fat and lazy, this miserable count,
Abuses his wife, in abysmal amounts.
To the powers’ that are, this is how it must be.
So how could she every love a lowly thatcher like me.
Until the day I realized,
For our love to grow, the count he must die.
But I can’t get caught, there’s no room to stammer,
I sneak up in the night, with my nails and thatching hammer.
He’s caught lying in bed,
And with my strong working arms drive that hammer right through his head.
And we flee in the night, we both run for our lives,
And I’ve rescued this woman, and she’ll soon be my wife.
The count’s blood is my proof.
I’ve toiled all my life but I’ve still made it through.
With love that’s true, no longer cast in strife.
But now it’s just Justin and a Thatcher’s wife.
Justin and the Thatcher’s wife.
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2. |
Flushing, NY
02:43
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|
In the shower getting clean.
Water falling over me.
Then the water that was hot, suddenly its not
I think someone flushed the toilet in my house.
A sudden icy chill of water on my frame,
Doesn’t feel great. I hate my roommates.
I live in a house of guys.
I don’t think they realize.
I had soap up in my eyes.
Then the water that was hot, suddenly its not
I think someone flushed the toilet in my house.
A sudden icy chill of water on my frame,
Doesn’t feel great. I hate my roommates.
Finished work, had just got back.
Thought I’d get my day on track.
Have a shower and relax.
Suddenly an ice attack.
Then the water that was hot, suddenly its not
I think someone flushed the toilet in my house.
A sudden icy rush of water on my frame,
Doesn’t feel great. I hate my roommates.
A sudden icy chill of water on my frame,
Doesn’t feel great. I hate my roommates.
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3. |
Flavors of You
02:46
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Baths are just human soup.
Baths are just human soup.
When you’re in the tub
With the soap that you rub
Remember baths are just human soup.
Baths are just human stew
Baths are just human stew
Tell your son’s and your daughters
It’s you flavored water
Yes baths are just human stew.
Wash your hair and your face.
Shampoo and moisturize.
Trick yourself in to thinking you’re clean
One day you’ll realize
Baths are just human tea
Baths are just human tea
It’s just human tea
And it’s flavored by me
Yes, baths are just human tea
Baths are just man flavored broth
Baths are just man flavored broth
You sit and you scoff,
In the filth you washed off
Yes baths are just man flavored broth.
Wash your hair and your face.
Shampoo and moisturize.
Trick yourself in to thinking you’re clean
Until you realize
Baths are just human sauce
Baths are just human sauce
You clean off your pits
And then you just sit
In a bath that’s human sauce.
You clean off your pits
And then you just sit
In a bath that’s human sauce.
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4. |
Scam Likely
01:54
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Well I’m a rambling man, I was born to go far,
But in my state you need to have insurance on your car.
My tank was full of gasoline, the open road in front of me,
But then I got a robocall, about my extended warranty.
Heyo, we’ve been trying to reach you about your warranty.
Heyo, we have exciting offer’s about your warranty.
Well me and my girl, we needed wheels.
Something simple for us.
I went to the used car dealership
I picked up a Ford Taurus.
The used car salesman hassled me
Something about him was sketchy
But I forgot to reup on my extended warranty.
Heyo, we’ve been trying to reach you about your warranty.
Heyo, we have exciting offer’s about your warranty.
I hear that ding-a-ling, when they call me in my slumber
I’ve gotten a new phone, and I’ve tried to block their number.
Is this the way it’s gotta be?
These robo caller’s stalking me, and every time I pick up the phone, it’s about my extended warranty.
Heyo, we’ve been trying to reach you about your warranty.
Heyo, we have exciting offer’s about your warranty.
We’re trying to reach you about
We’re trying to reach you about
We’re trying to reach you about your warranty.
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5. |
Send N00dz Blues
02:22
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Hey pretty mama lemme slide into those DMs
Hey pretty mama lemme slide into those DMs
I’m stuck at home with nothing to do,
So maybe you could go send me some nudes,
Hey baby lemme slide into those DMs.
Hey pretty mama can I get your snapchat?
Hey pretty mama can I get your snapchat?
Can I please send you a pic real quick?
Newsflash, it’s actually just my dick.
Hey pretty mama can I get your snapchat?
It’s pretty huge, if you can’t tell
And baby can I get your A/S/L
Please, can you send a nude to me.
I got no girlfriend and I’m out of luck,
It’s late at night and I’m horny as fuck.
Hey little mama, do you got a pic for me?
Hey little mama, do you got a pic for me?
Sending you my dick is what I did,
And guess what, it was unsolicited,
Hey little mama, do you got a pic for me?
I see your avatar.
I know you’re on.
I sent a dick pic why didn’t you respond, yeah.
Do you got a pic for me ?
Don’t got no girlfriend, I’m outta luck
It’s late as night I’m horny as fuck.
Hey pretty mama lemme slide into those DMs
Hey little mama lemme slide into those DMs
I’m looking for a sexy treat
If I can’t get your boobs, I’ll take your feet.
Hey little mama lemme slide into those DMs.
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6. |
Squid's Graveyard (TW)
02:49
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Oh there I was, lying in my bed at night.
My head upon the pillow, I was sure feeling alright.
I couldn’t shake this feeling in my head,
The whole night filled with existential dread.
The world’s so big, and I am so small,
So tell me what’s the point of even living at all?
An awful place, life sure can feel rotten.
So what’s the point when every single thing gets forgotten.
So there I was, just staring at the ceiling,
I couldn’t help shake this existential feeling.
So weak, my life is out of my control,
I’ll just wait till the universe explodes.
The world’s so big, and I am so small,
So tell me what’s the point of even living at all?
An awful place, life sure can feel rotten.
So what’s the point when every single thing gets forgotten.
Every good thing, must come to an end,
And death feels like the warmest of friends.
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7. |
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I’m 35 years old, I live in my parent’s basement.
I buy a bag of Cheetos, I put em in my face and
I’m on the computer for most of the day
Trying to find new MMORPG’s I can play
I’ve never had a job, but my mom says I’m a winner
Eating Doritos in her basement with dust up on my fingers
My father wants me out. I say “man that’s a drag”
I just laugh and empty all the Cheetos dust right from the bag.
I got Cheeto dust on my fingers
I got, Cheeto dust on my hands,
I’m a Cheeto eatin’ man.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, my father scoffs.
I’m waiting for a waifu, to like the Cheeto dust off.
I grab a liter, of Mountain Dew to wash it down.
Hand’s looking like I work part-time as a clown.
Why would I ever leave, and try to get laid,
When I got Cheetos and Doritos and bags of Frito-lays?
I finish up that bag, with another one next,
I pour that dust right in my mouth cause I got no self-respect.
I got, Cheeto dust on my fingers
I got, Cheeto dust on my hands,
I’m a Cheeto eatin’ man.
Cheeto eatin’ man.
Cheeto eatin’ man.
Lick it off.
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8. |
T. Hanks
02:03
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He can be any character,
There’s nothing he can’t play.
Whether he’s in Forrest Gump
Or the star in Castaway
I’m talking bout an Oscar winner
The kind of guy you’d take home to mom for dinner.
He’d clear the table and thank you all,
And you’d cry like when he lost that volleyball.
So thanks, T. Hanks
For making the movies you do.
So thanks, T, Hanks
You’re an American icon that’s true.
You played Woody in Toy Story,
And Andy, He was your kid.
You had relations with a 90’s business woman
In the movie big.
Sleepless in Seattle
Don’t forgot You Got Mail.
In Green Mile, you were nice to John Coffey
When he was locked up in jail.
So thanks, T. Hanks
For making the movies you do.
So thanks, T, Hanks
You’re an American icon that’s true.
Look at me, I’m the captain now.
Cloud Atlas was like a dream.
Every movie you do, you shoot to the stars,
Like when you were in Apollo 13.
So thanks, T. Hanks.
So thanks, T. Hanks.
Thank you Tom Hanks.
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9. |
NotSpam@AOL.com
02:40
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I log onto AOL
To try and see if I got mail
This Nigerian prince needs my help.
He says that I’m last living heir.
His father died stinking rich,
With no-one to give those gold coins to.
He needs to wire the funds to me.
But first there’s something I must do.
He needs my social security.
He needs those numbers fast.
He needs my social security,
Is that really too much to ask.
I don’t think it’s a scam.
He called me “Mr. Will”
even though the message was in spam.
He’s got money in big amounts.
All he needs is my checking account.
He needs my social security.
He needs those numbers fast.
He needs my social security,
Is that really too much to ask.
It’s not that bad, it could be scarier.
He could be talking bout single milfs up in my area
He could be talking bout male enhancement,
And making me grow,
He is trying to send me some dough.
He needs my social security.
He needs those numbers fast.
He needs my social security,
Is that really too much to ask.
Is that really too much to ask.
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10. |
Draw 4 The Devil
02:31
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Gather round and I’ll tell you people about a mystic game
A test of strength and cards, and UNO is it’s name.
7 cards you’ll deal, the pain I know you’ll feel.
And when you’re there with one card left
Victory will be real (UNO)
What’s the color you pick first?
Next you hit em with a reverse.
He doesn’t know what’s in store,
In your deck are 3 draw 4’s
You’re the one shouting UNO.
First you hit him with a red 2.
He’s got the same card, changes the color to blue.
He hides his deck, so you can’t tell.
He’s got one card left but he forgets to yell UNO.
What’s the color you pick first?
Next you hit em with a reverse.
He doesn’t know what’s in store,
In your deck are 3 draw 4’s
You’re the one shouting UNO.
You’re the one shouting UNO.
UNO.
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11. |
9-5 Hymnal
02:00
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Everyday I go to work in an office
this cubicle is my place
My coworkers, I hate their faces.
I don't give a shit about your birthday, Janice
unless you brought cake.
I want a slice, give it to me,
I forgot you're gluten free.
I don't care what my bosses think
no I don't want to go for afterwork drinks
I've been here for three years
this is my career.
I clock in, I clock out.
but inside I wanna shout.
This job it don't mean heck, but I need the paycheck.
HR's got an easy task
everyday my boss sexually harasses me
and I got a hunch, who ate my lunch (Janice)
Go to the bathroom, they act like it's a crime.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime
that's why I poop on company time.
Everyday working 9-5, this is my whole damn life
tell me why am I alive.
Friday is payday, I drop my jaw
taxes took it all.
I hate my job, I hate my life
that's why I put my faith in Jesus Christ.
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12. |
Reliable Sources
02:01
|
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|
When you're checking out at the grocery store
you see regular magazines but you want more
You wanna know if the pope is actually a ghost, and what happened to Elvis.
It's a tabloid
It's a tabloid.
It turns out that JFK got onto his spaceship and he flew away,
and Marilyn Monroe is dead you see, she's living in the sewers underneath New York City.
That's a tabloid
That's a tabloid
and when you're bored just take a look.
Ghandi got an abortion from big foot.
You want something to read, it doesn't have to be true, then guess what?
A tabloid's right for you.
Farm Lady has got a paranormal mister.
It turns out Cher is actually Elvis's sister.
Conspiracy theories and stories that are silly,
wait till you hear what this man found in his chili.
In the tabloids
In the tabloids
In the tabloids
BatBoy spotted in Santa Fe, Bill Clinton is secretly gay in the tabloids
(Gay in the tabloids)
You want something to read, but it doesn't have to be true?
well guess what? Newsflash, I think a tabloid's right for you.
In the tabloids
In the tabloids
In the tabloids
In the tabloids
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13. |
This Druid Needs Fluid
02:16
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It’s hot as balls
It’s hot as balls
The sweat drips down my back.
Makes it hard to relax.
It’s hot as balls
It’s hot as balls
The sun and the sidewalk which is which,
The heat turns me into a raging bitch.
Stanky and sweaty,
The swamp ass that I’ve got
And ice cream just won’t
Lord, it’s very hot
It’s hot as balls
The pleather seats in my 98 outback
They’re burning me from nut sack to buttcrack
Lord, it’s hot.
Bare skin on the seat
Hot enough to leave welts
When my snow white thighs
They touch the seatbelt, lord its hot
It’s hot as balls
Dangling to my knees
Can’t catch a break, can’t a breeze
It feels like a hundred degrees
I’m covered in sweat stains,
And it’s not pretty
Dark circles round my pits
Sweat underneath my man titties
Lord it’s hot
hot as balls
Lord It’s hot
hot as balls
It’s hot, hot as balls
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14. |
Brunch Bunch
02:03
|
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Well me and my girls,
Getting brunch, Dressed in our Sunday best.
I downed me four mimosas, and now I’m a tipsy mess.
Im wearing a big ol’ hat, got pancakes in front of me .
Hungover from a Saturday night, avocado toast is the remedy.
Every Sunday, well this is my world,
Sure Saturday’s for the boys,
But brunch is for the girls.
Brunch with my bitches.
Drinkin’ in the afternoon.
Brunch with my bitches.
Monday seems to come to soon.
A couple of bloody Marys’, me and my crew get scary.
The whole week got me wished for brunch with my bitches.
Jessica came from out of town, drunk, talking bout her relationship.
She ordered a couple Bellini, but it seems she’s got some T to dish.
Trash talking our ex’s, eating crepes, that’s what brunch is about.
Saying “there’s no single men in Manhattan”, shoving French toast sticks in our mouths.
Every Sunday, this is my world,
Sure Saturday’s for the boys,
But brunch is for the girls.
Brunch with my bitches.
Drinkin’ in the afternoon.
Brunch with my bitches.
Monday seems to come to soon.
A couple of bloody Marys’, me and my crew get scary.
The whole week got me wished for brunch with my bitches.
|
||||
Will Boyajian New York, New York
I record/improvise all these songs live on Twitch in an hour or less.
You choose the
genre.
You choose the subject.
You choose the song and album title.
It's fun.
... more
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